Escape to Paradise: Your Tiny House Awaits in Velsen, Netherlands!
Escape to Paradise: Tiny House Bliss in Velsen (Or Was It?) - A Review That's Honestly, a Little Messy.
Okay, folks. Let's be real. Trying to review every single thing about a hotel is… well, exhausting. And boring. So, this review of "Escape to Paradise: Your Tiny House Awaits" in Velsen, Netherlands, is gonna be a bit of a ride. Buckle up. You've been warned.
First Impressions & Accessibility: (Or, Did I Accidentally Wander into a Hobbit Hole?)
Finding the place was easy – Google Maps did its job, thank the internet gods! But pulling up, I felt a pang of… "Am I in the right place?" These "tiny houses" are teeny. Cute, though. Like, aggressively cute miniature houses. (Imagine a gnome village, but way, way more… Dutch design-y?).
Accessibility? Um. This is where things get dicey. The website says "facilities for disabled guests," and I think there was an elevator (didn't actually use it, because stairs are my cardio), but honestly? I’m not sure how wheelchair-friendly everything truly is. I spotted what looked like lowered sinks but… double-check if accessibility is a HUGE priority. Definitely call ahead and ask about specific needs. Because the charm is undeniable, but functionality? Jury's still out.
Internet Access… A Lifeline in a Tiny Package:
Okay, good news! Free Wi-Fi in ALL ROOMS! Praise be. I'm a digital nomad (read: blogger who's perpetually glued to a screen), so this was GOLD. It actually worked, too! No buffering during my Netflix binge (yes, I’m judging the quality of my stay by my access to trashy TV. Sue me). The Internet [LAN] option was available, but, hello? Who uses LAN anymore? Internet services? Fine. It had internet. That's the most important part!
Things to Do & Ways to Relax (Spoiler: Mostly Relaxing):
Alright, the brochure promised paradise. And, honestly? It delivered… mostly.
- Swimming Pool [Outdoor]: Beautiful! The view? Stunning. It was the perfect spot to just… float and stare at the Dutch sky. Pure bliss. Though, it being the Netherlands, it got COLD fast. Bring a robe!
- Sauna & Spa/Sauna: Didn't actually use them. I saw them. But sometimes the idea of relaxation is more appealing than the actual execution. Sue me.
- Gym/Fitness: Tiny. Very… compact. I peeked in and decided my hotel room floor was good enough for some push-ups.
- Massage and Spa: Tempting! Next time. Next time. I'll report back for sure, but let's be honest. Getting a massage is pure HEAVEN.
- Pool with view: Amazing view. You can just swim and stare. It's a great vibe.
- Body Scrub and Wrap: This is what I missed! I regret it!
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: (Breakfast of Champions… Maybe?)
- Breakfast [Buffet]: Okay, this is where things got interesting. Buffet in restaurant. The food? Standard. Acceptable. Definitely not mind-blowing. Western breakfast was the vibe, with some Asian breakfast options floating around. The croissants were… underwhelming. But the coffee? Actually pretty decent. Coffee shop nearby would have been better.
- A la carte in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant: Didn't try. Needed my nap after all the swimming.
- Poolside bar: Looked lovely. Didn’t have a drink. Regret.
- Room service [24-hour]: YES. Crucial. Absolutely crucial for those late-night snack attacks.
- Snack bar: (I think?). (I'm not the best at remembering these things, I get distracted easily).
Cleanliness and Safety: (Did I Survive?)
Honestly? I felt safe. And clean. Anti-viral cleaning products? Tick. Daily disinfection in common areas? Tick. Room sanitization between stays? Pretty sure. They seemed to be taking things seriously. I saw staff trained in safety protocol. (I even spotted a First aid kit! Always a good sign).
Services and Conveniences: (The Little Things That Matter)
- Air conditioning in public area. Yes! Crucial!
- Concierge: Helpful. Efficient. Didn't need them much, but good to know they're there.
- Cash withdrawal: I saw one (ATM machine), so yes.
- Daily housekeeping: Standard. Did a good job.
- Elevator Exists
- Facilities for disabled guests: See Accessibility section above. Make sure you're comfortable.
- Food delivery: No. (I think).
- Gift/souvenir shop: Nope.
- Laundry service, Ironing service, Dry cleaning: Available! Nice!
- Luggage storage: Yep.
- Safety deposit boxes: Yes
- Smoking area: Yup. Outside. Thank god.
- Terrace: Lovely. Perfect for a cup of coffee and existential dread.
- Car park [free of charge] Yes!
- Bicycle parking Yes!
Available in all Rooms (The Essentials):
- Air conditioning: Hallelujah! Crucial
- Alarm clock: Check.
- Bathrobes: Check.
- Bathroom phone: Seriously? Who still uses that?
- Blackout curtains: YES. Very important. Sleep is crucial for a good review!
- Hair dryer: Definitely needed.
- Free bottled water: Good!
- Mini bar: Yes
- Refrigerator: Great for keeping the water icy.
- Satellite/cable channels: Check.
- Smoke detector: The essentials.
- Wake-up service: Didn't use. Too busy sleeping.
- Wi-Fi [free]: YES!
Quirky Observations & Anecdotes (The Stuff You Won't Find in the Brochure):
- The tiny house really is tiny. Be prepared to cozy up with your travel companion. Like, really cozy.
- The "complimentary tea" was… instant. But after a long day, I was just happy for hot water.
- I spent a solid hour staring at the rain on the window. The sounds of the Netherlands. (Okay, maybe I'm a little melancholic).
The Verdict (And That All-Important Recommendation):
"Escape to Paradise" is… a mixed bag. The location is stunning. The tiny house charm is real. The pool is divine. But the accessibility is a question mark.
So… should you go?
YES! But with caveats.
If you're looking for a unique stay, a chance to relax, and don’t need 5-star service, this is your place. For the solo traveler, romantic getaway, or even a small family, this place has a lot to offer.
BUT:
- Double-check the accessibility situation if you need it. Seriously. Call them.
- Don't expect Michelin-star dining. Think charming, comfortable, and… acceptable.
- Be prepared for a tiny space. Embrace the coziness!
My Personal Recommendation - Book Now!
Offer for Your Trip:
- Special Offer: Book a stay for 3 nights or more and receive a free welcome bottle of bubbly (because you deserve it!). Use code VELSENBLISS when booking.
- Unique Benefit Highlight: Escape to Paradise offers you a chance to truly unplug and unwind. Its unique, "tiny house" concept lets you slow down, reconnect with nature, and experience authentic Dutch charm—all in a setting designed for relaxation and rejuvenation.
- Emotional Tone: Escape to Paradise is the perfect getaway for those seeking tranquility, comfort, and a touch of whimsy. It's an invitation to embrace the simplicity of life, surrounded by beautiful scenery and thoughtful amenities. Experience a unique retreat unlike any other. Let its serene environment provide the perfect backdrop for your adventures.
Final Thoughts: It was a decent trip. I made a few friends, I did some swimming, and I even made some decent photos. It really does 'escape' you from the everyday. So yeah. Give it a shot. Just temper your expectations a little. And bring your own teabags.
Hallschlag Haven: Your Dream Bungalow Awaits! Terrace & More!
Okay, buckle up, buttercup. My Tiny House adventure in Velsen, Netherlands? Honestly? It's been… a thing. Let's just say my carefully crafted itinerary flew out the window about five minutes after I arrived. Here's the wreckage, in all its glorious, chaotic glory:
Day 1: Arrival and Immediate Panic (aka, "Where the Hell is the Groceries?!")
14:00 - Arrival at Holiday Park Velsen. Okay, first impressions. Tiny House: Adorable. Tiny kitchen? Ridiculously tiny. My inner Marie Kondo is absolutely screaming. Finding the tiny house was a breeze. The park itself? A labyrinth. Think of a badger on speed trying to navigate a hedge maze. That was me.
14:30 - Unpacking and Inventory Check. Okay, deep breaths. Time to conquer the space. Suitcase? Dealt with. Groceries? NO GROCERIES. Apparently, the "nearby supermarket" is actually a brisk 20-minute bike ride away. Cue internal meltdown. I’d envisioned a cute little picnic basket lunch on the porch. Reality: a desperate search for a rogue packet of instant noodles.
15:30 - "Operation Find Food, Before Hangry Strikes." Bike rental! The rental place looked like a medieval torture museum but I think I found the shop. After a lot of pointing and flailing, I think I got the hang of this Dutch bike thing. One moment i was ready, next moment the wheels turned and I almost lost it.
16:00 - Supermarket Sweep! Got to the supermarket, then got distracted: The cheese aisle! Oh. My. God. The Dutch cheese selection is a work of art. I spent a good hour just breathing in the cheesy goodness. Almost forgot the basic essentials. Almost.
17:00 - Picnic Failure (aka, the Ants' Revenge). Finally back at the house, feeling smug with my cheese haul. Set up my picnic basket. Sliced some amazing Gouda. BAM. Ants. Everywhere. Turns out, tiny houses are a buffet invitation for tiny, determined insects. My Gouda and I retreated indoors, defeated.
18:00 - Dinner and Self-Pity. Noodles, cheese, and a healthy dose of self-pity. Seriously, I’m a travel blogger. How did I let the ants win? Washed it down with a glass of cheap Dutch beer. Not exactly five-star dining, but hey, it's a start.
Day 2: Beach Day (and the Existential Crisis of Sand)
09:00 - Coffee Conundrum. The tiny house coffee maker is like something from a museum - circa 1950s. Spent 20 minutes trying to make the coffee. By the time the coffee was ready I was not in a good mood.
10:00 - Beach Bliss (and Wind Burn). Bike! I'll cycle to Amsterdam beach! The ride was amazing, and I even took a wrong turn and ended up in a field of cows.
11:00 - Sun, Sand, and Seagulls. The beach! The sun! The sea! Absolutely stunning! I spread out my towel, and for a blissful hour, all was right with the world. Then the wind picked up. And the sand. Oh, the sand. It was everywhere. In my hair, in my eyes, in places I didn't even know sand could get. Existential crisis: why do we even like the beach?
12:00 - Lunch on the Beach (Part Two, Less Ant-Infested) Took a break from the beach and went to a restaurant nearby. I was so hungry.
13:00 - Photo Shoot Fiasco. Attempting to take Instagram-worthy photos. The wind had other plans. Every picture looked either like a blurry mess or a scene from a horror movie, with my hair whipping across my face. Gave up. Embraced the chaos.
15:00 - Beach Walk and Soul-Searching. Went for a long walk along the beach. The sound of the waves, the sheer vastness of the ocean… it was oddly comforting. Started thinking about… life. And the absurdities of tiny house living. And why I'm still single.
17:00 - Sunset Spectacle (Finally!). The sky turned all shades of orange and pink. Absolutely breathtaking. All the earlier drama? Suddenly, it felt a little less important.
19:00 - Dinner Debrief and Cheese Addiction. Back at the tiny house. More cheese. More beer. And a serious craving for a real bed. Tomorrow: I’m considering a full-day nap.
Day 3: Amsterdam (or, "Can I Still Walk?")
08:00 - Wake Up and Plan of Attack! Amsterdam! Today, I'm conquering the city. After all the riding I did.
10:00 - Canal Cruise Calamity. I was so excited to see the city from the water. It felt like a dream and I started taking photos! Now, it was so crowded.
12:00 - Museum Madness. Went to the Museum. I could not understand any of the art. But I did like the museum building.
14:00 - Food and Drink! I was so hungry after all of the walking. I started to look for food and found a restaurant. The food was amazing!
16:00 - The Red Light District. This was unexpected. I saw some weird things.
18:00 - Travel Back The trip back was easy! It was the best day.
Day 4: Slow Day and Departure
- 09:00 - Wake Up. (Eventually.)
- 10:00 - Re-packing. (Less Panic, More Acceptance)
- 11:00 - Bike Farewell Tour
- 12:00 - Last Lunch & Cheese.
- 14:00 - Departure
(And now I'm home and I'm already planning my next adventure…maybe not in a tiny house though!)
Escape to Paradise: Stunning Linjan Holiday Home with Garden!
Ugh, What Actually *Is* the Point of All This? (Like, Seriously. The Internet. Life. Everything.)
Okay, deep breaths. The point? Oh, honey, if I had a dollar for every time I've asked *that* question while staring at the abyss of a half-eaten tub of ice cream... Let's just say I could probably buy a small island and name it "The Questionable Life Choices Archipelago."
I think the point is... there *isn't* one, necessarily. Or maybe the point *is* the question. Or maybe it’s to find the *best* brand of ice cream. That’s a good starting point, right? Look, I'm 40, I've lived. And honestly, I still haven’t figured it out. But here's what *I* think, based on the limited data set that is me: it's about the messy, the beautiful, the awkward, and the spectacularly disastrous moments. It's about the connections, the laughter, the tears, and the days you just want to hide under the covers. It's about the ice cream. And sometimes, it's just about getting through the day without setting anything on fire.
Honestly? Just try not to be a total jerk. That’s a solid start. And maybe, just maybe, find a really good brand of ice cream. Ben & Jerry's is good. But I’m personally partial to the flavor that comes out after you’ve just lost a loved one. That brings forward a lot of feeling. Try to capture that essence.
How Do I Deal with Internet Trolls? They're Like, the Worst, Right?
Oh, bless your heart. Trolls. They're the digital equivalent of those people who cough without covering their mouths on the subway. Annoying and spreading… well, you know. Dealing with trolls is like playing whack-a-mole with emotional vampires.
Here's the thing: *don't feed the trolls*. Seriously. It's tempting to engage. You feel that burning need to defend yourself, right? To prove them wrong? Don't. You think they'll listen? They are not listening. They are here for entertainment and drama, which you are providing. They want a reaction. Give them silence. Block, mute, and move on. Think of it like a digital flu – you need to quarantine yourself. You cannot fix these people, trust me, I’ve tried.
One time, I made the mistake of debating a guy who was convinced the Earth was flat. Hours, people! Hours I spent, armed with science and logic, trying to convince him otherwise. He ended up saying *I* was the one with the problem. I was left feeling exhausted and like I needed to take up a new hobby. That's when I started taking the first steps towards not engaging.
My Cat Keeps Eating My Expensive Shoes! What Do I *Do*?
Oh, the cat. The furry mini-tyrant, the ruler of all you survey. And yes, my cat, who I swear is plotting my demise is doing the same. What a waste of money. It's a universal cat law: if it's expensive, it *must* be destroyed. I swear, I think they do it on purpose. They're sitting there, all innocent-looking, but secretly, they're evil geniuses.
First, realize that you are now in a war. Cat vs. Shoes. I suggest you start by moving the shoes. I know, I know, it’s the obvious answer, but it’s a start. Consider putting them behind a closed door. Next, your cat might be stressed, bored, or just plain evil. If it's stressed, try playing with it more. If it’s bored, well, you might need to get more toys. More things that are NOT your shoes. If it's evil... Hmm. Maybe a strongly worded conversation? (Good luck with that.) Seriously, consult a vet. They can help you address the cat's actual needs.
My biggest catastrophe? I had a pair of Jimmy Choos… gone. Eaten. The whole heel. I am still in mourning. The only positive thing to come from it? It made me realize I probably shouldn't be buying shoes that expensive in the first place.
Okay, Fine. But What *Actually* Helps When You're Feeling... Overwhelmed?
Overwhelmed? Honey, I *live* in a state of near-permanent overwhelm. It’s like a cozy, slightly chaotic blanket I wrap myself in. What helps... *for me*... is highly individual. But here’s some things that give me pause… or maybe not pause, more like… a moment to breathe?
First, acknowledge it. Say it out loud: "I am overwhelmed." It's amazing how just naming it can diffuse some of the pressure. Then, *breathe*. Slow, deep breaths. Hold it. Release. Repeat. It is the most tried (and most likely tired) advice ever, but it works. Next, identify one, single, ridiculously small task you can accomplish *right now*. Maybe it’s just drinking water. Maybe it’s folding one sock from that mountain of laundry. Do *that* one thing. And pat yourself on the back. Even better? Go for a walk outside. Seriously. Fresh air is magic. Don’t talk to anyone. Just the trees. They will tell you how to stop being overwhelmed.
I’ve been through some... *things*. And whenever I get overwhelmed, I literally go and stand in the shower or just take a shower… with the water running down my face and I just close my eyes and cry. No shame. Just relief. Then I drink some water. Then I think. Then, after a while, I figure *something* out.
How Do I Deal When My Best Friend Betrays Me?
Oh, the betrayal. That gut-wrenching feeling of being stabbed in the back by someone you trusted more than your own family, or, at least, the family members you didn't like. It's a soul-crushing, life-altering event. And it sucks, frankly. There's no other way to say it.
First, feel *everything*. Don't try to bottle it up. Let it out. Cry, scream into your pillow, write a scathing email you'll never send (but hey, it can be cathartic). Allow yourself to be angry, sad, and confused. Betrayal is a loss. *It's okay to grieve*. Next, decide if the friendship is salvageable. Is this a one-off mistake, or a pattern of behavior? If it's a pattern, maybe it's time to reassess the relationship. And, yes, if the hurt is from the betrayal, please think long and hard before returning to “normalcy”. I’m just saying.
Here's the thing: even if it ends, it doesn't mean the friendship was a waste. You shared something. You learned something. Maybe itBest Hotels Blog
